Random One-Liners

Cabbage Privatized

Headlines

I became totally inebriated with hitting the big one.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Bushisms

As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Bushisms

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Situations

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Men People Women

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

The referee is the most important man in the ring besides the two fighters.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Misspokements Sports

In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism.

(1918 – 1996) U.S. vice president & politician
America Places

Icy hot

Oxymorons

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Men People Women

What you don't know will always hurt you.

Murphy’s Laws

Kids More Violent, Suicidal, But They're Happy

Headlines

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Beliefs God

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

Actions speak louder than words — but not so often.

Communication

I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused.

(1814 – 1869) American humorist
Beliefs Opinion

No man goes before his time… unless the boss leaves early.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Individuals People Time Work

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Places

Any action for which there is no logical explanation will be deemed "company policy."

Murphy’s Laws