Random One-Liners

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Communication Language Wordplay

Science: An orderly arrangement of what, at the moment, seems to be the facts.

Beliefs Definitions Facts Science/Weather

Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Conversation Men People Sex Women

George Chuvalo's best punch is a left cheek to the right glove.

American sportswriter
Boxing Sports

It seems that nothing ever gets to going good till there's a few resignations.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Work

No more sense than last year’s bird nest.

Miscellaneous

Tom.

basketball coach
Misspokements Sports

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice for all

Mixed metaphors

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

I look forward to the day when we can just talk about the ethics of angling without this red herring of whether they can feel pain.

Mixed metaphors

When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Age Life Money Young

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.


(1829 – 1900) American essayist & novelist
Science/Weather

When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

Murphy’s Laws

If you text ‘I love you’ and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Relationships

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Life

Where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Communication

A musicologist is a man who can read music but can’t hear it.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Entertainment Music

Here lies Ezekiel Aikle Age 102 – The Good Die Young.

Epitaphs

Experts Increase Probability of Big Quake in California

Headlines